"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." -2 Corinthians 12:9
This verse is everything.
In every valley and pit that we may ever fall into in our lives, in all our vast misunderstanding; God's understanding is infinite. In all our incapabilities, God is capable of more than all we ask or think or imagine. In all our shortcomings, we have the ability to overcome through the strength that God provides for us. That he willingly and joyfully provides. He delights in being our helper and taking us that extra mile when it's hard for us to take that next step. We do it through his strength. If you're trying in your own strength, you won't get there. You'll only get frustrated with your circumstances and frustrated with yourself and you'll reach the end of your rope before you've even begun. But it's because we weren't meant to go through this life in our own strength. We are weak and it's because we desperately need the Lord and his strength.
I was praying last night and was focusing so much on what I didn't know and how I didn't have the answers or the capability to navigate on my own. How I needed wisdom and direction and how I just didn't know how to fix anything. But as I was sitting there feeling empty and inadequate, my focus began to shift and instead of telling God what I couldn't do and how I didn't have the answers, I began thanking him that HE knows the answers. That he has understanding when I don't. When I'm clueless, he is all knowing. When I'm incapable, he is MORE than capable. When I'm weak, he is strong. And suddenly that verse had new meaning for me. It's perfectly okay that I am weak. It's okay to be at my wits end. Because it gives God the chance to be all that I need. When we are nothing, God is everything. This is how it should be all the time. We should constantly be existing in this state of nothingness and denying ourselves so that God is magnified. We get so comfortable being independent, when really we are desperately dependent, by nature. God created us to desperately need him. It's a gaping hole that will go on desperately being void until we seek and pursue Jesus whole heartedly and allow him to fill that hole. And I woke up today and instead of focusing on my problems and confusion, I thanked God for my inadequacy, because it means I get to rest in him and stop trying so hard. Living life in pursuit of our savior means that we're no longer running this race alone. It means that we have infinite strength in times of weakness. It means that we can actually rejoice during hardships because it's producing in us something greater and it's refining us.
It means we have hope when everything appears lost.
It means that when we have nothing left to give, we can surrender to a God who provides everything we could ever need.
This post was everything I needed tonight.
ReplyDeleteI’m constantly blown away by God’s determination to show me his grace, despite my efforts to put off receiving it… (What the heck is my problem sometimes?) Even in those times when I know I need to be seeking God wholeheartedly, handing over my fears and worries, and trusting him to step in and take care of things… but I haven’t gotten around to all that stuff just yet because maybe I’m not quite done wallowing in whatever I’m trying to handle… Even in those times, God always finds a way to slap some good sense into me when I least expect it.
I mean, seriously, it’s like I’m drowning, and Jesus is standing there, on top of the water, holding out a buoy, like, “anytime now… just grab it… no? …fine, I can wait.” And I’m just flailing around, like “No! I don’t have time! Can’t you see I’m having a crisis here? HELP!!! God, please make this specific thing happen exactly this way, because for some reason I feel like I should tell you how to do your job! Also, please help me trust you with this situation, but definitely do it how I told you. injesusnameamen. AHHHH! Why am I still drowning?!”
Then eventually, he just grabs me anyway.
Tonight he did it with your blog.
…someday I will learn that trusting God is actually the easier, less scary option. (I mean, really… Would I feel safer if the next time I get on a plane, I’m like “move over, pilot! I have control issues!” ?! Well… It’s even more asinine to say “No, God, I have a better idea. Let's do this MY way.” …and as dumb as that sounds, that’s basically what I was doing.)
I'm so sorry I just now saw your comment! But it made me laugh. You're a great writer!
DeleteBut one thing that came to mind from the picture you painted is that, yes, I totally get the feeling of not wanting to trust God YET because you're not done wallowing or dealing with how much it hurts or how disappointed you are, and how when you're done with that, THEN you know God will take care of you. But one thing I would say is that you can trust God WITH your pain. With your disappointment. With your frustration and anger. He can handle it, and he'll sit with you through it. Next time another s*** storm comes your way, I would encourage you to just give all your feelings to God and trust him with it. It doesn't mean you have to stop despairing or that you have to magically have the appropriate mindset. As humans it's natural for us to have to process our emotions and disappointments. But God can be with you IN that. Which is just awesome. I'm sure you totally know and realize all of what I just said but I wanted to say it anyway.
<3