Dance

I remember when I was a little girl, sitting on the floor, leaning against the farthest wall in the room, the service had been going on and I was singing along with the worship music from where I sat. I remember everything. My dress, my shoes, the joy bubbling up inside of me, the tangible love that was reaching out for me. I could sense a warmth like a sparkling sun. And I heard a quiet whisper in my spirit, "Dance!" he said to me. I froze, my heart beating in my chest. "Dance", he said again gently. I could feel my heart pounding and my nerves shaking me at the very thought of getting up from my place on the floor and daring to dance. I didn't know how to dance. I didn't know how to move in that moment because my fear kept me still as I wrestled with the fear of being seen or judged, against my innocent and childlike desire to dance and worship and lose myself in that love without a care in the world. But the moment passed quickly as my focus shifted to myself and my feeble insecurities. I tried to listen again and willed myself to hear something, but only heard silence and the beating of my own heart. Some time passed in my life, and being so young, I think the enemy used that one single moment to lie to me and tell me that I had disappointed God in that moment. I felt so guilty for denying the most gentle request from the One True Love. I often would repent of that in my prayers, never feeling like I could make up for it. Some years passed and one day that memory was randomly brought to mind, and all in an instant I realized completely that I'd had it all wrong. That in that one seemingly crucial moment where I had held back, and refrained, and essentially said "no" to his proposal, that he STILL just wanted to be with me. Him asking me to dance was his way of inviting me in and showing me his arms were wide open to me and he was begging me to run into his embrace. And my fear in that moment was not a hinderance to his love. He wasn't disappointed in me. He was only saddened by my refrain because his love for me was so deep. Tears flooded my eyes as the weight of that truth fell on me and I realized I'd misunderstood his character and his love for me. I'd decided he was angry with me when really he only longed to be with me. And he does, still. Every day. Every day I am still that little innocent child to him, and every moment of my life his arms have been wide open to me, and they always will be.

I don't care if anyone sees me, I don't care if I'm alone in a closet, in a pitch black room or if I'm dancing in a field in heaven. I will worship with all that I can and forever be grateful for a God who wants to be with me. Who wants me to dance and to sing for joy and to triumph over all my fears in his name and for his Glory. 

“Let them praise his name with dancing and make music to him with timbrel and harp. For the Lord takes delight in his people; he crowns the humble with victory.”

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭149:3-4‬ ‭

“Praise the Lord. Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heavens. Praise him for his acts of power; praise him for his surpassing greatness. Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet, praise him with the harp and lyre, praise him with timbrel and dancing, praise him with the strings and pipe, praise him with the clash of cymbals, praise him with resounding cymbals. Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Praise the Lord.”

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭150:1-6‬ ‭